~Smile of the Enemy~
by Fushigi Kismet
I don't know what happened, really. I mean, I still don't. I
didn't know then, and I don't know now. I can't even explain it to Kunzite. I
just . . . snapped.
It must have been when I saw the two of them
together. No, it wasn't that. Why would that bother me? I have Kunzite. The two of them
being together, that didn't hurt me. Well, it didn't hurt me as much as it
should have. If I think back, I know what first made me so angry.
When I saw her old memories began flooding back. Memories of a blue-haired girl who rarely smiled, but when she did . . . it was heaven. I spent a moment just thinking of that smile before shaking myself out of it. I wasn't that kind of person anymore. The only one I loved was Kunzite. But still . . . I had loved her. My Ami.
Again, I pushed the thought away. It was unthinkable that I could ever be unfaithful to Kunzite.
Better to keep my mind on matters at hand. The first order of business was to retrieve the crystal from its carrier. What was his name? Ah yes, that boy . . . Urawa Ryo.
It was then that I saw it. Her smile. The smile that had once only been for me . . . It was . . . for him.
I think that then was when the dark rage overtook me.
All I wanted was to hurt her, as she had hurt me. It was only fair. I wanted to wipe that smile from her face. To kill the boy at whom she had smiled. But even that took second priority to the mission - I needed the crystal. That was when the thought came to me with a burst of vengefulness. Let the boy kill her. Once I had taken the crystal he carried and he had become a youma, he could kill her. Could kill her smile.
Everything backfired. She shouted insults at me and saved the wretched boy who had stolen everything once dear to me. In the end, the recipient of the crystal was not me but those accursed Senshi.
My frustration was not limited to the failure of my mission. I still didn't understand my own feelings. I loved Kunzite, didn't I? How could the loss of a former love, this pitiful Senshi, hurt me so much? I felt betrayed. But I suppose the first betrayal had been my own. That is nothing new to me. Life in the Dark Kingdom is a practice in futility and pain. We go around, each betraying one another in turn.
When I returned to the Dark Kingdom I was indifferent to the displeasure of Beryl and the scorn of the others. Even Kunzite's attempts at comfort were unwelcome. In our quarters, I stood and screamed at him for a good half hour, what about, I can no longer remember. I was insane, with her betrayal, my rage and grief. I destroyed everything in the room I could lay my hands on, then I broke down . . . weeping. WEEPING. I lay face down on the bed, ignoring Kunzite's comforting arms around me, and wept for the smile of the enemy. The smile . . . that would never be directed at me again.